She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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