dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
