oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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