Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
