I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
