I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
