i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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