So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
