You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm jealous of your bromance
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
