I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
