Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
