Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
