Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
