its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
