Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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