So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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