I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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