Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
