My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
