I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My dick has a subreddit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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