what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
God, I missed his penis.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
