Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
