i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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