My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
