I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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