i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
