someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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