a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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