She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
