We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
