Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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