This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
