omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
