I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize