worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
