So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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