grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
