when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize