Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
