we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
