dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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