I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No subtext here. People are naked.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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