I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
