i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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