Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
