I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
