were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
