Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
