I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
