Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
