i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
