I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize