i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
