all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize