help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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