Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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