you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
