Sober January is a disaster.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
