And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
