Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
