Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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