He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
