He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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