Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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