YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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