A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize