For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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