you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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