Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My penis needs a shock collar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
