if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize