I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
