the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
