This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
