you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
