he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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