the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
