After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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