you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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