I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
