i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
