you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
