I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
