I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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