There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
