wanna go halves on a baby?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are the jesus of drinking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
