I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
