real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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