There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
