I feel like I'm in dance class right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
